A Brief Word from the Wankers at ESPN

Even allowing for the Yankees' troubles, the pro-Sox bias over at the world wide leader in puffery has achieved farcical dimensions. First, there is the truly crapulent Karl Ravech (rhymes with Gammons' bitch) who insists that of all the possible pitching match-ups in the histroy of baseball, he'd most like to see Red Sox non-Hall of Famer Luis Tiant vs. former Red Sox future Hall of Famer Pedro Martinez. I mean why bother fantasizing about Lefty Grove and Walter Johnson when you've got Luis Tiant! (Well at least Harold Reynolds reminded the Ra-bitch that there once was a pitcher named Sandy Koufax).

But I digress. The comment worth noting from this insufferable diamond-retard is that while the Tigers could well finish ahead of the Yankees (and they could), Boston's pitching, yes their pitching, would assure them a place in the playoffs. I was left wondering what pitching in Chowderville was worthy of such confidence. Was it Blow-up Josh Beckett (5.26 ERA) or Tim (leading the league in losses) Wakefield, David (too fat for my own knees) Wells, Matt (headcase) Clement, with his 6 plus ERA, or maybe the new guy Jon Lester, whose ERA, just now, is even higher. Rudy Seanez perhaps or Manny DelCarmen or Tavares or Foulke or all those other mediocrities holding Papelbon's coat. The Red Sox may well make the playoffs, thanks to the weakness of their division, but their pitching will not carry them past the Tigers unless Detroit collapses.

Then they interviewed Joe Morgan, who lives to prove that you can play the game of baseball and play it well without knowing a blessed thing about it.

He was queried by the Ra-bitch as to whether the Yankees title hopes were in peril (well duh!). Morgan responded that they were owing to all those injuries (i.e. don't blame AROD) and that the Yankees were going to need a series of stops from Johnson and Mussina if they were going to get back in the race. His insights sent me running to the newspaper for fear that I, in some miniaturized version of Rip Van Winkle, had fallen asleep for some indeterminate period during which the Yankees fell from being just one game out of first place in early June to some much greater distance back at a later and more perilous date. But no such thing, of course, had occured, as the wankers themselves suggested just 2 minutes later when they pronounced the Angels "in the thick of the race" despite being eight games under 500, 6 games out of first and closer to the Mariners than to the Rangers. At that point I could only sit there wondering, do these guys listen to themselves when they speak. I use to marvel in the seventies at the vacuity of Joe Garagiola and Curt Gowdy. But I'll give them this much. Their endless cycle of platitude and cliche did inoculate them against the kind of patently tendentious stupidity that passes for expertise on ESPN.