F*&! Joe Torre

Since Joe Torre breaks our hearts, this blog will break his balls. Every day of the season I will detail the errors, misjudgements, and omissions that make him the most overrated manger in the history of the game (even more than Tommy Lasorda!). But Joe Torre is not just one bum in hero's clothing (i.e. the pinstripes); he is the quintessential counterfeit of excellence, a figure who embodies the triumph of the ersatz that pervades every aspect of our culture. No organization in sport, nay in civilization generally, has manifested a committment to continuing greatness like the New York Yankees, a beacon to all, in every field of endeavor, that the best is always possible. How intolerable is it then that the Yankees should be managed by a mediocrity on stilts, a figure with a reputation for greatness without any of the attributes thereof. Beginning with Torre and ending with Torre, this blog will look to smash idols we create out of inadvertence, ignorance, and complacency.

Friday, May 18, 2007

THEY KEEP DRAGGING ME BACK

Apparently the Yankees no longer care enough to be a good team, but they have been good for so long they don't know how to be a bad team. And as a result they've become that worst of all baseball fates, a joke.

Tino Martinez noted on NY radio yesterday that the only guys on this team that look like they care about winning are Jeter and Jorge. He didn't include Mo or Mr. April. I think he's dead right. Last night I watched the Boston highlights and saw a physically challenged borderline major leaguer by the name of Eric Hinske do a full scale lay out to save a flagging Fat Man from giving up a 2 run double and the Sox from losing the game. Hinske then homered to win the game, giving Boston a sweep of the other good team in the AL, Detroit. The play summarized everything about this season. The Sox, like the Mets, are playing with so much energy, so much desire and the concentration these things bring, while the Yankees are playing without any of these qualities. Oh Melky would have attempted and perhaps made that catch (Tino should have included him in the small coalition of the winning) but none of the other outfielders would have made it and only Matsui would have tried (probably breaking his wrist in the process). Torre should play the Hinske tape 24 hours a day in the Yankees clubhouse, under a caption that reads: You want to know why we are 9.5 back--because they want it so much more than you do.

Meanwhile fecklessness and futility turn to folly as Kyle Farnsworth complains about the terms of Clemens contract and Giambi takes time out from his busy schedule of leaving men on base to complain that all of baseball has not offered its fans a blanket apology for the bad pharmocological behavior of people like, well, Jason Giambi.

Let's see. To Farnsworth I would say that we Yankee fans are less enthusiastic about the prospect of Clemens not going home on off days than we are about the prospect of you going home and staying there, permanently. I didn't want the Yankees to sign Clemens in the first place, but if there is anything more ridiculous than the inflated-prorated contract they offered him, it's the 38 mill you are getting for blowing leads and failing to answer the bell on account of your back. Yankee fans actually feel more relief when you can't pitch than you provide when you do.

As for Giambi, the only apology that seems really pressing right now is the one you and most of your teammates owe Yankee fans for the way you are playing, or not playing.

When you have the 8th best record in the AL you have earned a measure of obscurity the Yankees appear unable to abide. But when you thrust yourself into the limelight under such circumstances, it can only be at the price of making jerks, fools and simpering twits of yourselves, which the Yankees have now undertaken to do. All I can say at this point is six more games, 3 with the Mets and 3 with the Sox, after which Torre will surely be fired and my work here will finally be done.

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