F*&! Joe Torre: The Cat in the Hat

F*&! Joe Torre

Since Joe Torre breaks our hearts, this blog will break his balls. Every day of the season I will detail the errors, misjudgements, and omissions that make him the most overrated manger in the history of the game (even more than Tommy Lasorda!). But Joe Torre is not just one bum in hero's clothing (i.e. the pinstripes); he is the quintessential counterfeit of excellence, a figure who embodies the triumph of the ersatz that pervades every aspect of our culture. No organization in sport, nay in civilization generally, has manifested a committment to continuing greatness like the New York Yankees, a beacon to all, in every field of endeavor, that the best is always possible. How intolerable is it then that the Yankees should be managed by a mediocrity on stilts, a figure with a reputation for greatness without any of the attributes thereof. Beginning with Torre and ending with Torre, this blog will look to smash idols we create out of inadvertence, ignorance, and complacency.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The Cat in the Hat

"And look! With my tail
I can hold a red fan!
I can fan with the fan
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all..."

And look, I can win without Matsui, his arm in a sling,
and I can win without out Sheff, who can't take a swing.
But that is not all, no that is not all.
I can win without Johnny D., whose little toe hurt,
I can win without Derek, who slammed his hand in the dirt.
But that is not all. Oh, no that is not all.
I can win without baby Carl, whose nowhere in sight,
and still harder to imagine, I can win with Jared Wright.
I can win without AROD, who has some sort of flu,
and I can win without Giambi, whom he gave it to.
I can win without Bubba, and his unappreciated flair,
I can win without Jorge, in need of equipment repair.
I can win without Chacon and say it ain't so,
I have even begun to win without Mo.
And what's beyond belief, it's just so sublime,
I can win without most of them at the same time.
But that is not all, no that is not all.

With all these youngsters and
all these no-names,
I'm actually able
to win the close games.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...: Wonderful.; 11:42 AM